i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
