i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Vodka?
Forever.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
