i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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