so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
