I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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