i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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