I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
