dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
