I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
