a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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