i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If I die, sorry about rent.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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