Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Girls should come with a carfax report
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
