It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
