Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Boobs are out for the taking
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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