My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Randomize
