i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize