I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
