The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
