i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
