"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
