i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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