remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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