There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
