I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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