I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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