when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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