3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize