I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
