two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
