your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
