his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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