carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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