This is not my ceiling
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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