I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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