i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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