Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
