He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
