You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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