im holly from the hills drunk
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
