Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
