Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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