just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I yelled at your uterus for you.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
