yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
