he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize