so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
