i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
