no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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