At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
