HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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