just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
