um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
