And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
