You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize