I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Never joke about your clitoris.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
