I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i drank out of a bidet.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
