Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
