i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize