That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
