i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
