I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
