im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
