He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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