Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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