Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
