I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I touched a dick in church today
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
