there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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