I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
