there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm always down for nudity.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
