I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
