sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
