JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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