she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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