It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
