Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
