I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
