found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
It's just like the Real World with babies
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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