ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize