I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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