Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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