Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize