Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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