I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
