Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize