pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
