i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
