the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
