He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
