Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
