Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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