I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
