i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
is wine microwaveable?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
