no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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