I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
