I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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