just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
