YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
