Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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