I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
