Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
