I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
