someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
