When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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